Whenever I Need You
by Faxisthegreatest123
Summary: Max and Fang must both deal with the huge loss that they suffered two years ago. Mistakes are bound to be made, but each wrong turn may just become a blessing in disguise. Rated T for language and semi-mature themes. Will be continued... a sort of re-write for my other fic, Out of Love. Takes place after Fang, but as if Angel and Nevermore never happened.
1. Promise (I Wouldn't Say It)

**So, I guess (and hope) that this means I'm "officially" back on the FanFiction map. I've been thinking about this concept for a long, long time. (Too long, really) And now that it's finally written, I'm a little nervous to see what you all will think. **

** I wrote a piece a long time ago, one called Out of Love. This is sort of that re-write, and redesign. I've had quite a while to think over what I did wrong with that fic, and quite a while to work on this introduction. I make no guarantees to how quickly I'll be able to update, but don't expect it to be soon. **

** A little disclaimer before you all begin reading and (hopefully) critiquing… I do not own the characters, or the plot lines of the Maximum Ride Series by JAMES PATTERSON. I do however "claim" the rights to my own additional characters. And without further ado, please, read and enjoy:**

"_As many times as I blink  
I'll think of you tonight_

I'll think of you tonight…"

A low whimper escaped my lips out of habit. The day hadn't begun yet- I hadn't even opened my eyes to face the blinding light- and already I could feel the significance weighing heavily in the air.

"Morning," Fang said softly. I felt him draw me close, his calloused hands strong and reassuring against my back. His heartbeat was steady, with its rhythm powerful enough to calm even my own heart's erratic thrashes. We stayed like that for a little while, my body tangled up in his, my thoughts stuck to the events that brought us here, but eventually we had to return to the real world.

Fang began to scoot back, way too soon for my liking. I held onto his arms as if they would save my life, clutching them to my chest. Maybe if neither one of us moved, some of his strength would transfer over to me.

His tone was patient. Understanding. I hated it. "Max, I have to get ready. Please."

Though I needed him near me; next to me; I let go. It was not like me to be so clingy, nor was it like him to be so polite. Today was the exception for us both, but it wouldn't be long before our usual attitudes surfaced.

I sat up and stretched my legs out. I must have fallen asleep in the fetal position again. How embarrassing. "What's the rush?"

He had his back to me, but I could see his tension. It tightened the muscles around his shoulder blades, and made him stand straighter. "Did you forget?"

"Forget?" I repeated incredulously, "How dare you accuse me of forgetting!"

His eyebrows drew together, clearly displaying confusion. Then, before I could blink, he was standing next to me and his arms were around my waist, constricting me. "I wasn't talking about…" He shook his head, "That's impossible to forget."

"Then what the-" Suddenly his face was close to mine, his breath coming out in bursts. It took me a second to realize that he was laughing. Laughing, on a day like today!

"Graduation." To my wordless response, he smirked and added, "I graduate today. Kind of a big deal."

"Shit!" I cursed. Immediately my hands flew up to cover my mouth.

"Do you think she heard?" I whispered after a moment.

Frozen, Fang whispered back, "I think she's still asle-" And with a small flash she was there in our doorway, staring up at us with her big, deep brown eyes. "Shi- Ow!" Fang yelped, knocking my hand from his forearm. He glared at my chuckling before leaving to get ready.

"Sadie," I knelt down to her level, the ghost of a smile still on my face. "What have we said about using powers in the house?"

"I hearded yelling. I gotta protect you. And daddy."

Upon hearing his name, Fang emerged from the other room, fully ready to go. Surprisingly enough, he wore a dark gray shirt, paired with his usual black pants. Around his neck hung a black tie.

All of my efforts to be strong left me then; my face crumbled and my knees gave out from under me. I began to sob on the floor, the salt of my tears staining the carpet. That tie, that stupid, stupid tie! The last time Fang wore a black tie, we attended a funeral; two years it had been. Two years already.

I could hear Sadie crying behind me, her heart heavy with my pain. I bet she didn't even remember him. How could she have? She was barely two then, still just an innocent little girl with no way to understand "death". I wished I could have said the same.

Time passed without my count. I eventually heard the front door open and creak shut. Three sets of footsteps approached, and a pair of arms tried to pry me up from the floor. I braced my hands against the scratchy fabric, everything in me screaming out for the one person that I could not have. If he was not the one pulling me up, then I would happily stay where I was forever. I would wait for him to return to me. I would wait until I could no longer.

Two people were next to me now, forcing my legs to support my weight. My body arched away from them both, before I finally gave up and fell sideways, right into Fang's outstretched arms. He held me against him chest, a scene parallel to earlier, but with added hysteria.

"Iggy and Ella are here," He tried. I felt him deflate a little when my sobbing did not lessen. "Max, I know. I lost Malachi, too."

Those three syllables tore an even bigger hole inside me. It was like I could no longer function properly; my legs began to buckle again, and if not for my hands gripping onto Fang, I would have been face first in the carpet, and this time, no one would be able to get me up.

"Shh, Max. Shh," Fang pleaded, placing a hand behind my knees. In one swift movement, I was held in his arms bridal style, my entire body curled up against his. He backed up slowly and sat on the edge of our bed, repositioning me so that I was sitting up.

After a few agonizing minutes, I stopped bawling, instead settling for the occasional hiccup. My thoughts were coherent again, and now that I could look back on it, my actions were mortifying. But honestly, losing a child was devastating, no matter who you were. I didn't understand how Fang put on a brave face every day, but he managed it. He sobbed like this once, a few hours after the funeral, but I have not seen him cry since.

Ella came into the room then with a cup full of water and put it up to my lips. I gulped it down quickly, not even worrying to savor the soothing feeling in my raw throat.

Fang leaned into me and kissed the side of my head, mumbling a slightly shaky, "I love you" onto my temple. I said it back to him with as much energy as I could muster.

His relieved smile was beautiful and breathtaking. It disappeared far too quickly. "I understand if you stay here tonight," He tightened his arms around me. "You won't be missing much."

I gave him a sideways glance. "Are you sure? This is a really important day for you."

A soft kiss was my reward. "You're more important." The sentiment was sweet, but his eyes took on a strained look. "Will you be okay, though? Alone, I mean?"

Iggy and Ella both jumped in to help, their sentences identical, "If you need me to, I'll stay with you." They shared a glance, and Iggy slung his arm around Ella's shoulder. I resisted the urge to smile at them.

"I'll be all right." My voice must have sounded convincing, because everyone brightened up a little. "You'll be all right taking care of Sadie, then? And Rovianne?"

Ella smiled fondly down at the pink baby carrier next to her feet. Their daughter was in the center sleeping, her little fists clenching and unclenching around the air. "I think we'll manage," she said, a little distractedly. The love that she had for Rovianne was almost palpable.

"We'd better get going," Fang said, smoothing his sleeve back over his watch. Iggy and Ella shuffled out; when it was just Fang and I left, he came over and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"You sure you'll be okay?"

I winced at the worry in his voice. "I'll be fine."

"Don't do anything stupid," he warned, his eyes going tight around the corners.

I stood up, my legs still a little wobbly. Fang caught me by the arm. "I'll be all right," I assured him again.

"Promise me." Though he wouldn't say it, we both knew what he was referring to.

A defiant sigh escaped my throat, "I promise."

Satisfied, he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss felt sad, but there was something beneath it. Desperation, maybe?

"Ready to go, Fang?" Ella asked from the doorway. Sadie was squirming in her arms, waiting impatiently to say goodbye.

Fang nodded, his eyes still locked on mine. His warning, as well as the words of my promise lingered between us.

And even though I wouldn't say it, I had my fingers crossed behind my back.

"_But drenched in vanilla twilight  
I'll sit on the front porch all night  
Waist deep in thought because when  
I think of you I don't feel so alone_

I don't feel so alone  
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink  
I'll think of you tonight

I'll think of you tonight…"

Lyrics from Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

(Disclaimer: I own none of the lyrics!)

**So, what'd everyone think? Good? Bad? So awful that you stopped reading halfway through? Although, if you did that, you wouldn't be reading this Author's Note, so… If you've made it this far, I thank you. So much. You stuck with it! Yay! **

**You guys are great. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. I'm going to try to be better about it! I promise! (No worries, my fingers aren't crossed, they're flying across the keyboard as we speak.)**

**Drop me a line! Tell me what you think! Have you all read Nevermore yet? If not, you're in luck, because as the description mentions, this takes place after Fang. No spoilers after that. **

**Enough rambling. You're all fantastic. The end.**

** Read and write on,**

** ~Faxisthegreatest123**


	2. If I Leave (She Won't Come Back)

**I'm back! Again! It feels fantastic to be back, even though it's been a while since I posted the first chapter. Thank you all for being so patient! **

**From now on, the chapters will have alternating points of view- Max, Fang, Max, Fang, etc. I'll make sure you know if I switch it up from there. Otherwise, read on! And review, review, review! : ) **

**Fang's POV:**

"_Now the sky could be blue,_

_I don't mind,_

_Without you it's a waste of time…"_

6 years ago, I began medical school, and today will mark my completion.

2 years ago, on this day, Max and I lost our only son.

There were really no words to describe how this day felt. It's true that I'm not a sentimental person, and I don't like to show too much emotion, but even stones crack under pressure.

In the pit of my stomach, all of the overwhelming feelings bubbled up, desperate to surface. I was happy, relieved, nervous, sad, angry… any emotion you can think of. But most of all, I was worried.

Not about graduating. I was way too ready to be done with the whole "walking across stage" junk. The college even wanted me to give a speech, but come on, me? Speaking, long paragraphs, in front of thousands of strangers? Ha!

No, the worry stemmed from Max. Beautiful, strong, stubborn Max. I could always read her like a freaking book, even before things got serious between us. It would make sense if I could read her even better now. Heck, with how long we've been together, you'd think I could read her mind!

But after Malachi's death, things changed. Max completely shut me out. She's still around in spirit; laughter still lingers in her voice sometimes, and life still beats in her heart, but she's empty now. Cold. Nothing I did, nothing I said, would ever change the fact that she lost her son. No one could ever fill that hole in her existence.

For a while Max was straight out depressed. It didn't take any extensive training to tell that. She slept all the time, barely moved from our bed to change or take a shower. Everything was a challenge for her.

As the months went by, I convinced her to get up, to live again. She reluctantly agreed.

And then the nightmares came. Visions of Malachi coughing, choking, dying all over again. Dreams of nothingness, of dirt and earth and blackness, swirling around and around. Whenever she woke up, she'd scream out in terror. She stopped sleeping for days at a time, a drastic change from earlier.

Not long after, Max turned to drinking. Heavy drinking. Even now, she drinks as if she wants to kill herself, as if she cannot bear just one more day without her son.

I worry about leaving her alone. But I also worry about smothering her. She needs to cope, to heal, and she won't do either if she's being forced to.

But deep down inside, where no one can see, I worry that the next time I leave her alone, she won't come back to me.

**_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._**

Five minutes past 6, the ceremony began. All of us graduates marched down the steps leading to the stage, then up again at the last second. As instructed, we faced the mass of people and smiled, showing off our teeth and our cheeks, no matter how much it hurt. The whole thing felt like a cheap performance.

At last, we were allowed to sit. Our head administrator, Dr. Wren, stood and made his way to the podium, a forced smile stretching out the skin that hung off his face. After speaking briefly, he turned the mic over to a good friend of mine, Keith Renner.

Keith began his speech with no signs of nervousness. He, unlike me, was born to be in the spotlight. It's one of the principle reasons why I asked him to take my place as speaker.

Though he was addressing an entire room of people, Keith's eyes stayed glued in one place. I had a good guess as to where, but I turned to look anyhow.

Sure enough, I followed his gaze to the section where my family was sitting. Everyone was here tonight, with the exception of Max.

Nudge and Ella spotted me immediately and flashed double thumb's ups. Iggy and Gazzy talked quietly together, and Sadie sat on Gasman's knee, giggling to herself. Keith, I'm sure, saw none of this. He had, without a doubt, focused in on the remaining member of the flock.

Sweet, not-so-little-anymore, Angel. The pair had been dating for a few months now, despite the decade span between them.

_"He's still way too old for you," _I thought towards her. We'd had our share of conversations like this, and it soon became a running joke between us. Next would be a snarky remark that only Max would be able to top, and I'd turn back, un-approving but understanding as always.

Instead, her reply came as one word, drawn out. _"Fang…"_

Everything in me tensed. Not a whine or an exasperated expression, the sound was serious. Desperate. Scared.

_"What's wrong?"_

There was no hesitation. _"Nothing. Turn back around. The diplomas are next."_

Refusing to be told what to do, I yelled inside my head what the rest of me was unwilling to say. _"It's Max."_ There was no question about it.

Angel glared at me, but the attempt was weak. Sadness softened the edges. _"Don't make me influence you."_

For a few brief seconds, we kept our eyes locked on each other. Then, as if snapping out of a trance, Angel's eyes returned to the stage. She smiled and raised her hands to applaud, signaling that Keith's speech- and our conversation- was over.

**_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._**

"Nicholas, Ride," Dr. Wren announced. For the first time that night, I let loose a real smile. Behind me, I heard my entire family cheer. Gazzy even imitated a crazy teenage girl's voice, screaming "You GO, boy!"

I grabbed my diploma in my left hand, and took Dr. Wren's wrinkled palm in my right. Through his smile, he sneered, "I expected you to fail."

I grinned at him and squeezed his fingers together until a small _pop_ was audible. His face fell, but my smile never faltered. If anything, its intensity brightened.

"You're an old piece of shit," I whispered at the last second. The fire in his eyes was worth every second of his torment before. I would not miss him anytime soon.

7 people took their diplomas after me, and at last, Dr. Wren said, "I present to you, the newest doctors of our generation!" Through the cheers and loud cries, I heard him mutter, "Lord help us…"

I found myself grinning even harder. It was an exhilarating feeling…

Until I looked out at my family- all gathered here for this moment- and everything inside of me sank.

People began to rush forward, congratulating their loved ones, pride on all of their lips. I shoved my way through them all, narrowly missing a collision with an elderly woman. After what felt like forever, I reached my small, somber group.

Sadie's face was my only happy greeting. No one else even dared to meet my eyes.

"What's going on?"

Nudge opened her mouth first, but shut it quickly after. With a deep breath, Angel took Nudge's place. "You were right. I just didn't want to ruin your graduation. It could be nothing but Max just being stupid, or maybe…"

My fists clenched involuntarily. "What. Is. Going. On?"

"She won't answer her phone." I looked at her as if she were speaking another language. Max always answered her phone.

"Call her again," I insisted

"We've all tried to call her, at least twice each." Angel bit her lip, unwilling to say what the worst news was. Eventually she couldn't keep the secret any longer. "I've been trying to talk to her all night. You know, check in on her." She tapped the side of her head, indicating that the conversations were done mentally. "But I can't hear her. At all. It's like I'm talking to air. We're all really worried about her."

I swallowed hard past the lump that formed in my throat. My tongue was dry as I croaked out, "Ella, Iggy, can you watch Sadie for tonight?"

Iggy nodded. Ella looked reluctant. "Are you going to check on Max?" She asked, even though the answer was obvious.

My silence said it all, anyways. Ella took my hand in hers, worry tight across her face. "Be careful. Don't jump to conclusions." She squeezed my hand, once, in reassurance, "I'm sure we're all just overreacting."

But we weren't.

I flew home as fast as I could, but apparently that wasn't fast enough.

There, in our living room, I found Max face down on the carpet, just like earlier, only this time, her skin felt cold, and little puddles of blood trickled out from under her open palm.

It was my worst nightmare, finally come true.

"_Now the sky could be blue  
I don't mind  
Without you it's a waste of time  
Could be blue_

_I don't mind_  
_Without you it's a waste of time_  
_Could be blue,_  
_Could be grey_  
_Without you I'm just miles away."_

~Lyrics from Strawberry Swing by Coldplay

**Cliffy! What? How could I? **

** I'm the author, that's how! Joking, joking. **

** Stay tuned. (No worries, it's not as bad as it seems!) : ) It'll all work out, Author's Promise. **

** Read and write on, my awesome, awesome readers,**

** ~Faxisthegreatest123**


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